When it comes to sex and sexuality, many of us find ourselves fighting a battle between inner desires and what is acceptable to "polite" society.  Being raised in the bible belt of the southern united states, I was like most of my friends and was raised in a very religous home where we went to sunday school and church every Sunday and bible study on Wednesday nights.  In my immediate family, religion was the center of everything.  Every family gathering, from Thanksgiving and Christmas to birthdays and even the 4th of July, it was all about eating a great meal, and then praying for what seemed like hours that never ended.   As a child, that's all I knew, so I was ok with that; I had no other choices.

By the time I was a freshman in high school, I began to change.  I began to question things that I was not supposed to question, and I began to do things that I was not supposed to do.  I even started to go places that I was not supposed to go.  I was changing, and I didn't know why.  

So at 13 years old, I began to fight an inner battle.  I could be the "good boy" that my family was expecting me to be and I could try to restrain the force that was inside of myself, or I could let that force out and let it explore freely.  I could tell society, the church, even my family to "F" off, this is my life and I am going to live it the way I want. 

Well that sounded good but at 13 years old, with no way to feed, cloth, or support myself, I knew that all that would do, was make me homeless.  I had to find another option.  And that begain my life in the shaddows that would last for the next 40+ years.

From the time I was freshman in high school until I graduated four years later, I had a girl friend that lived a few houses down from mine.  Everybody saw us as the "cute nerdy" couple that like to sit on the porch and read books all the time.   We even spent our weekends at the library, just two nerds living in nerd land. 

What people didn't know was that yes we were sitting on the porch reading books, but they were sex novels that she was sneeking from her mother's bedroom.  Yes we did spend our weekends at the library.  We were reading "The Joy of Sex" and learning every possible way to twist and contort our bodies in every sexual position known to man.   Yes we were two nerds.  We were both honor students, and both in gifted programs; but most of all we were both sex freaks.  We were just hiding in the shadows.

(Continued -  Here )